implosion.

when she said "i love you" she really meant i'm sorry, but the words mutated in her throat and she choked and all that stumbled out was a broken piece of poetry.

"your lips taste like stars,"
and she was lying, lying, lying
underneath the darkvelvet sky listening to the rise and fall of his breath. what she really wanted to say was, i'm sorry i fucked up.

shit it wasn't her fault. there was nothing between them but his smile and the fabric of her shirt. she couldn't breathe.

he doesn’t understand.
she can’t let people get too close.

because there was nothing between them but her hands on his chest, and when he leaned in she had no words. she couldn't tell him that his breath burned her skin like he was setting her on fire. his eyes were scarlet and the veins on his hands snaked to his elbow like rivers. he reminded her of too much, and she couldn't show him the bruises. because he would tell her to run away, fly into the sky, leave home.

but she can’t.

and when he found her by the bleachers and demanded an explanation the words tumbled into her brain like an ocean, roaring and shrieking.

i'm sorry.

see, in the dark he looked just like you and he was saying all these sweet things.
and i was afraid of you, because you'd seen far too much and i was terrified that one day you would see through me and find me transparent-like-glass. see, in the dark i knew he wasn't you, but it was almost comforting. he didn't know me and that made it okay.

see, he didn't mean anything to me, but you mean too much and that's why i had to back away. see, i really like you. i do.

but she can't say it.

and her explanations are wasted anyway, because she would give him the universe, but all that comes out is "iloveyouiloveyou"</i> like a broken record. he is lost. he is no longer listening. he is walking away and raindrops are trickling down his cheeks.

see, he needs to know the words she's not saying.
i'm sorry i kissed him.
i’m sorry. it was dark and i was afraid.
i'm sorry i fucked up.

i'm sorry, but i had to push you away.
you know too much.