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losing

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oneofthose-rachels

Published: Dec 16, 2009

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Literature Text

this is not life.

trains, mechanical voices,
the questions my friends ask. this is not life.
every song reminds me of you,
sour honey sliding down my throat.
this is not life.

two weeks ago i was flying:
on your shoulders, unstoppable, screaming with
you down into the hallways of the future.
we didn't just seize the day --
we went for the jugular and strangled the world.

saturday sitting on the jetty
you told me one day we would be flying among the stars.
i leaned against you and stared up at the blackness.
i believed you.

on monday the story changed.
you assured me that i was just a way for you to repent,
to apologise for every bad thing you'd done.
your eyes had some strange fury, like a man
who has glimpsed the face of God and found himself wanting.
you would not look up from the toes of your shoes.

_{(and i thought everything had been going so good.)}

today is friday and still everything is the same:
the train i sit on leads nowhere. i am afraid
and the chill is creeping up my bones.
and all i have are the words: it shouldn't have been this way.
i should hate you for doing this to me, but i can't
because i'm lost in a flood of writhing thoughts.
you led me into this trap and then you vanished into thin air.

this is not life.

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_{this didn't really happen,
but would it have meant something even if it had?

edit: changed the parts that i felt didn't really fit. feedback would be appreciated (:}

comments welcome