lost hearts.

dear journal,

i know i haven't written anything to you in a long while.  it's been a hard week and an even worse year.  i hope you don't mind.  i know you won't.  it's just... i feel cold all over.  i stopped bleeding ink when i get hurt.  can you find my heart?  yesterday, i think she drowned in the river.



Dear boy with ice for blood,

Please don't hate me, but I couldn't save her.
It was a Sunday night and I was tired. We struggled near the pier. She was shaking and screaming, she told me it wasn't worth it, she told me you didn't love her anymore. Her hands tasted like fire and her eyes were glaciers, and I sizzled and fell to ash.

I couldn't hold her back. I'm sorry.



dear journal,

don't tell me that! i need to believe that i can wake up and she'll be here. it's all that keeps my blood thawed enough to breathe. i wish.... i don't know. i never know what i want. it's not fair. maybe someday these words will bring her home?

she always did burn too cold to touch.



Dear boy with ice,

She'll be there. Tomorrow, she'll be sleeping on your couch again, mascara in grey rivers down her cheeks. She'll be whispering i love you to your back again. She'll be crying and trying to explain. Tomorrow, your imagination will give you a second chance and this time you have to do things right.

This time, you have to listen.



dear journal

you were right. i woke up and she was here. but i was neither hear nor their. i tried. i really did. but she wasn't speaking and i think i've gone deaf. i can't even hear her beat away. everything is so... silent.

i never meant to hurt her like this.



Dear boy,

You can't let the memories go. You have to hold on to them. If you keep on thinking about it, if you replay that scene in your head again and again until the thought of her makes you ache, then someday things will change. Someday, maybe it will make you love her again.

Someday, it will bring her back.